Hopeless Romantic--Poems from High School

These are some poems I wrote when I was in high school. There are many more, but I'll slowly post them. It's beautiful to remember the girl who was a hopeless romantic. It makes me smile. It's great to remember the girl who could write tragedies, yet her life was full of rainbows.

ANYTHING HIM

10/31/01 @10:26 p.m.

Anything "him" dazzles me.

The awkwardness of his undefined emotions,

the sternness of his gaze,

the mischievous smile that enhances his face,

and sometimes the questionable complexity of his dissonant being.

Aggravated by myself, I ponder the meaning of what I've felt all along,

But as I untangle the threads of love,

I ambush my callow heart with multifarious, absurd unknowns.

And his anything menaces my relative logic,

his anything mystery darkens my hope,

and I've always known the impossibility of us,

Still I refuse belligerently to let go.

Anything him surrendered me.

The minimal impatience I triggered upon him has dissipated much

and his mediocre looks are enough explanation

of the dull conversations we disguise in crimson songs.

Anything him drowned me.

The misery of a never begun love story

antagonizes the dreams I drank in love.

Today and in the morn I will weep for my martyrized hope

for anything him consumed the ashes of sweetness

that in my devotion I gave to him all.

NEVER NIGHT

04/15/01@11:43 p.m.

Never night, I'm lost in your sorrow.

Tonight the wolf cries a fainted song.

It's all misery.

As I walk, dragging my unchained feet across the moist dirt,

the wind slaps my innocence and rests upon my face.

Stars shine in their absence.

The night is dressed in an opaque, mournful black, and

my being is so lost, my spirit attempts to smile...

Even in darkness I am blind?

There, hidden in the horizon,

the sun sleeps his eternal breath.

I know I'll never be free...

I'm succumbed in the realms of contempt.

Lost, demolished, blind, restless.

Oh, the perpetual yelp of pain.

Tear after tear glides across my cheeks

and, suddenly, I drop to my knees.

"Forgive me Lord, I have sinned!"

Never night, I was lost in your sorrrow.

The Lord embraced me while I thought I traveled alone.

The nightingale has crowned the morning

and the wolf sleeps peacefully on the hill.

"Lord, I am free!"

WHAT I BECAME

04/28/00 @12:43 p.m.

Immensely submerged in an ocean of silence.

Drowning incessantly the light of hope.

Walked I through the silence that broken speech became,

Facing the terrors of the shallow barricades.

Struggling, sword in hand, denouncing the universe to fate

in everyone's behalf.

I stained my spirit with inhuman hunger,

I choked myself with immortal anger.

Looking at the reflection of a face to me unknown,

I wiped away the tears of rain,

I tore apart my human flesh,

I chained my soul to a heavy rock,

Keeping in me the infinity of my everyday song.

GOODBYE (to my uncle)

04/09/00 at 12 a.m.

Through the vanishing memories along came crude reality.

The whispers of truth so carefully buried in my innocence

flourished upon the discontent of my soul.

Abruptly, the cold winter wind of your soul cut through my mind

and I was frozen in disbelief, escaping the words, denying the feelings.

Nothingness held me captive of my own self and

I who was once so secure of my heart,

meddled in the cold night questioning the stars, praying...

Closing the wounds, counting the scars.

Why, you must ask, would I blame you for no reason at all?

Why you are the curse life chained me to.

Tonight, just as last night, the wind blows hastily,

breaking down the doors to my weak soul.

My sick heart lies inside me, coughing, sick from your existence,

and I light a candle in honor of your intact soul.

For when you arrived, roses blossomed.

For when you left, they wept in sorrow.

YOU'RE MY RAIN

03/18/02 @11:15 p.m.

A drop of rain is you

For an instant refreshing and with the heat

it evaporizes leaving no trace.

A chord of sounds is you

Finding your way into my heart

and sounding my resonance in my ears that in love with you...LISTEN.

A synonym of confusion is you.

Opening a world of perplexity

astonishing me into the realms of your vague world.

A compound of silence are you

Emerging your bitterness into the love you don't profess

while shutting the world out of your microcosmical world.

A stupefied child am I

Because I made me to love you painstakingly

forgetting that real love can't be forced...only found.