An Ace's Ace: Connor Andrew Moore

It is almost cliché, but definitely not an understatement, the  saying that birth is witnessing "the miracle of life." We say it, but this belief for most does not come out of actual knowledge. Our saying it comes from faith, scientific knowledge, or both. It is different, like with all other things, when it comes from first-hand experience. Some of us argue that life is  in the mother's womb, beating from the very beginning, but we have never felt it. We look at children and we marvel at their curiosity and their innocence, but we do not get to witness it the way a mother does until we have our own children, yet the love for another's child can be so powerful. We love babies because they are defenseless and fragile, but we do not know what it feels like when you know a life is on its way, when you anxiously await the birth, when we see that baby's face for the first time, even if that baby is not ours, just a fragment of us...We do not know until we live it.

My sister Amy texted me nine months ago, "Merry Christmas! I love you. You're going to be an aunt, by the way." In disbelief I tried to unmask her joke, but it wasn't a joke. My sister had made the choice of becoming a mother and she gave me the most amazing Christmas gift. However, I had no idea how much this gift would change my life or hers. Amy is the youngest of our Phi Alpha Delta family, the Ace of Clubs and our youngest, our redheaded pride was about to bring a life into the world, our first Ace baby.

Those who think they know what it is to be pregnant because they know someone who is pregnant do not really know anything at all. We do not have morning sickness, cravings (except for my non-preganancy induced, random cravings for oysters and ice cream, but I digress), stretch marks, growing out of clothes, and an extra human to feed. My life went on while my sister grew a life in her. I was in my last semester of law school, avoiding work like the plague, being an activist via the Internet, being a legal intern, chatting on Facebook hoping that time would tick away, and in the back of my mind I always thought about my Amy in her first year of law school, writing memoranda, reading hundreds of pages, working at a law firm with her child growing in her belly. While I thought about graduation, my sister was about to graduate from the most important profession of them all: she was about to get her degree as a mother. There is no professional schooling for motherhood. I do not care what Dr. Phil or Oprah say, no self-help books prepare you for that. All you have is instinct and love. 

Because of the mess that is a law student's life, I missed Amy's baby shower, I didn't see her belly grow, and didn't get to spoil her the way I wanted to, but I got to see her the last three months of her pregnancy. More importantly, I was there for "the miracle of life." I witnessed it and I can say proudly that it is no cliché for me. Its meaning is plain and as magnanimous as ever. Amy Lynn spent almost 19 hours in labor. Maria (my big sister) and I truly wished we could have shared the pain induced by the pitucin and we really wanted to help her push, but birth is a single woman's game and we had to leave the room. Sitting in room 317, Maria and I, on hour number 100 it seemed, prayed. We pleaded to God to give her strength and to assuage her pain. No, really, we prayed for the end of the pain because our brave sister believed she was weak. "I'm a whimp. I can't do this," she mumbled in tears. Childbirth is nothing like they show you in the movies. It is true there are screams and pain, but it is not real until you are standing there next to a woman searching for strength when her body is exhausted. True there is cursing and an honest targeting of the man in the room and true there is waiting, but nothing prepares you for the real thing. Especially, nothing prepares you for that feeling you get when you see "the miracle."

On August 8th, 2009 at 9:40 a.m., Amy Lynn Moore delivered Connor Andrew Moore into this world. He weighed 8 lbs. and 10 oz and was perfect: open and very alert gaze, 10 toes, 10 fingers, beautiful smile, and not a tear on his face. I cannot explain how I felt when I saw "the miracle of life." I felt proud of my sister, yes. I saw her in a whole new light, she is now a mother. I saw a child look up to the woman who courageously decided in December that she was okay with her world changing, she would be a mother and a lawyer and she could do it all. I know she can. If she can withstand 19 hours of labor, taking law school finals while 9 months pregnant, and coming to terms with her life the way she always has, she can do it all.

 The day Connor was born I saw love and I saw God. That may be more cliché  than calling childbirth "the miracle of life," but I cannot deny what I witnessed. The love of a mother is unbreakable because that bond between mother and child is so intense and inimitable. We cannot create miracles. We can be conduits to miracles to let others witness them. Amy, thank you for your miracle. I love you.

War Against Boys?

I have always argued that men are not really from Mars and women are not really from Venus. We were both born on the same planet and the fact that we don't share the same gender chromosomes doesn't necessarily mean we aren't designed to understand each other. Anything can work, I argued to the girls, if you listen to the boys and don't expect them to be, well...girls.

I understand a guy's love for sports, for rolling out of bed in the morning and going to school in gym shorts, the annoyance they feel when we take too long to get ready, and most importantly, I understand them when they say we are way too emotional. Girls, we ARE emotional. Admit it. We expect men to know that every little thing they do somehow affects us because we innocently believe that everything they do is directed to us. Now, with that out of the way, I must say, boys, you need to play by the rules too.

Lately, I have realized that some guys (and this is through my experiences and my friends') are just such pieces of work that they put Dali's Bullfighter masterpiece to shame in size and complexity. I am throwing all the justifications for men out the window for the girls. There is no reason we should waive the white flag and surrender because there are good men out there, but I have been asked by a few of my friends to write this.

So boys, here are the major complaints from the girls:

1) Dating someone for more than a year does not give you the right to be their friend when you break up. Some girls do not want to be friends with their ex-boyfriends, especially if you, (a) were a jerk when you broke up, (b) want to talk about other women now, or (c) a and b. This does not make her immature. It makes her proactive. You're wasting her time to stroke your ego.

2) I have been told that guys don't like it when girls like sports. Now boys, seriously...some of us actually love sports and you should embrace it. This means we won't change the channel to some girly show when you are watching the game of the year because we will understand it's important to you. You have the upper hand. We also understand that you will want your "guy time" with your nachos and beer. We may even prepare the snacks. Stop whining and feeling threatened by this. It makes you look petty.

3) If you like your drinks strong, you should not be complaining about smart and strong women. A girl who is a professional and determined is not snide or arrogant and does not think that she has more power than you do. If you have self-esteem problems, don't go after the smart girl and try to create self-esteem problems for her too. Go for the weak girl who wants you to do everything for her and buy her things all the time. Just don't complain later that she treats you like a doormat.

4) When you say you are going to call a girl, whether it is as a friend or because you like her, call her. We give guys way too many chances and we try to think you are different from "the others," but when we give up, don't say we are being dramatic.

4) Texting a girl at 11:30 p.m. and asking her to come over, if you don't know her well, is not classy. It rings like booty call and you should know if the girl you are texting is the type. If you do not know, reflect before you act. Sometimes it's not your intention for it to come out that way, but when it does...

5) We still like it when you open doors for us, when you hug us, when you are sweet to us, so don't stop doing it because you think the other boys are going to think less of you. The same way you need us to make sacrifices for you, we need you to make a few for us to show love. We do like attention as much as you like beer.

6) It should have not been necessary for the book/movie "He's Just Not That Into You" to be published. You would have saved the writers and actors the trouble if you had just been clear. You complain girls say too much, well...you boys don't say enough. Not interested? Say it. Want to break up? Say it. Which brings me to...

7) Do not stay in a relationship because you think the girl is not going to survive the break up. Get over yourself. It's going to be hard, but it's worse when you are condescending enough to tell her you never thought she'd make it and that you know this is tough.

8) At the end of every relationship, there are memories, sometimes one too many, but don't do this: call her and ask her for the gifts you gave her back no matter how broke you are. Are you really that ridiculous?

9)Do NOT, under any circumstances, even if you are in your death bed, compare your girlfriend to your ex. If you liked your ex so much, you should've stayed with her. We don't care if you think your ex was a better cook, thank your stars that we are cooking for you in the first place. There's always fast food.

10) If you like a girl and want to let her know this, it is not appropriate to say, "Hi, you're hot and I want to do to you everything that Ludacris raps about in his Fantasy song." This will, at the very least, not get you the girl. At the most, it may land you in the hospital after she punches you in the throat. [This happened to a friend of mine recently and the man is lucky he is not sporting a cast with that bark.]

11) We girls love to be high fashion and trendy, but it doesn't matter how 21st Century Cosmopolitan says it is, we don't like making the first move. It's unnatural. You'll know if she likes you: she'll turn 20 shades of red, get nervous, giggle, get cold hands, or attempt to ignore you. Starbucks is your lifesaver in the 21st Century. Ask her out for coffee. Especially in this day an age, coffee will never fail you.

There are many other complaints out there and I'm sure these don't even scratch the surface, but they are the complaints I've had to listen to for a while. I noticed these before I became single after three years in a relationship, but they are quite more noticeable when you turn 24 and boys still act like they did when they were 17.

As a caveat, I do know that guys get hurt, that there are women who cannot be more humiliating to their men, and some of us think it's unfair that you get dragged around at the mall and forced to shop with your girl at Forever 21. It can be a daunting task to survive a shopping frenzy.

However, for the sake of the good girls out there, please, take into account that not all girls like to play games or want to tell you what to do. Some girls really are not at war against boys. Some girls really just want to even the playing field, so just don't make them take out their weapons. As the saying goes, "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned."